Parenting

I think I have parenting guilt. :) Each day that passes I have guilt by the days end about how I treated the kids. I could have handled this or that better. I should NOT have raised my voice at them for running....just expressing and getting some energy out right? I don't know. Not sure what the answer is, but I read all the time (because I am a blog stalker) these blogs about babies that have been born healthy and don't make it past 4 months. Or, babies that are still born, or have abnormalities when they see the light. These stories, where they are tremendously sad....they always remind me of my living, breathing...seemingly healthy children under my roof. I look at Kayla sometimes and think..."dang I am soo annoyed with her"...or I discipline Guinness in a way that repent and regret things that I have said to him. Is there a fine balance? Is there a RIGHT way to parent? I know some that parent 9 kids and LOVE it soo much, and I know others who have a few and can't stand them. They are the ONLY kids we have. Holding grudges and ignoring our flesh and blood is the most ridiculous, lonely way to live. I think..."how could I EVER not be in Kayla, Guinness or Edyn's life"......these thoughts go through my head ALL day long. The actions of today.....are they going to remember these things? Are they old enough to know what Grace is? Are we as parents able to forgive our children for the silly, stupid, most annoying things that they do? I only hope that God gives me the grace to extend to them. Yes there are discipline issues to address now...and we are :) I just think.....God forgave/forgives me for doing the dumbest things......why can't I do that for a 3 year old? or a 23 year old? I don't think this is the only time in life these kids are going to give me trouble. :).............I can only imagine what kind of trouble Guinness is going to get into. Kayla already got herself landed in the hospital from overdosing on Exedrin......what is Guinness going to do? oh my! My mind races through possible scenarios.....Yikes!

Having said that, I know that Edyn (pictured below) is going to get a spanking for something someday (yes..we are spankers)....and I know that I will have to send her to time out...or ground her for something stupid that she has done. But alas...I need to lighten up....these are my kids.....God made them in ME! They look like me and smell like me....well, Josh at some times :) hahahha.....They are and were created in the image of my Creator. Such a cutie eh?

just some thoughts.

Steamboat at night!

this is our lovely town at night. We used to live at the foothills of that mountain, it was awesome! Now we live to the left of this picture...still have great views!

Superman!

My musings

Sooo, I'm starting to realize that my kids are all different. hahaha, yes...I know it has taken me this long to realize that they are different, but they are. :) I did just hear recently that kids have love languages. Like, kayla's love language would be affection...she loves to be held and paid attention to at ALL times. Guinness's love language would be.....maybe affection too. He loves to be cuddled and I love the cuddling by him as well. Edyn, well....she is too young to have one I think...she just likes to eat and smile. Maybe her's right now is to be smiled at. (I swear, she smiles soo much I think it makes her face hurt) hahaha, sooo cute.

All this to say that I don't think I know specifically what their love languages are and so there is where the disconnect is. Also, I have a 3.5, an almost 2 and a 5 month old. hahahaha, I think butting heads is in my future..say the next 20 years. AAHAHHH.

My shopping has halted. Everything on Anthro right now is .....more winter than spring. I am looking for spring things to speed up the thawing process of the 20+ inches of snow in my backyard. I think there is more snow to come this weekend, but who cares!! Throwing caution to the wind and looking for spring stuff. :) hahahaha.

I am reading 'A gentle thunder' by Max Lucado right now. I have read this before, but I remembered REALLY liking it. It's hearing God through the storm. Not that I am going through a major storm, but I think we all go through storms all the time. There is one part I read last night that I thought was really good. Pertains to my life right now:

"So where does that leave us? While Jesus is praying and we are in the storm, what are we to do? Simple. We do what the disciples did. We row. The disciples rowed most of the night. Mark says they "struggled hard" to row the boat. The word struggle is elsewhere translated as "tormented." Wasn't easy. Wasn't glamorous. Much of life is spent rowing. Getting out of bed. Fixing lunches. Turning in assignments. Changing diapers. Paying bills. routine. Regular. More struggle than strut. more wrestling than resting.........You thought marriage was going to be a lifelong date? You thought having kids was going to be like baby-sitting? You thought the company who hired you wanted to hear all the ideas you had in college? Then you learned otherwise. The honeymoon ended. The IRS called, and the boss wanted you to spend the week in Muleshoe, Texas. Much of life is spent rowing. Oh there are moments of glamour, days of celebration. We have our share of feasts, but we also have our share of baloney sandwiches. And to have the first we must endure the second. Denalyn and I had five wonderful years in ministry. And we learned that at the right time, God comes. In the right way, he appears. So don't bail out. Don't give up! Don't lay down the oars! He is too wise to forget you, too loving to hurt you. When you can't see him, trust him. He is praying a prayer that he himself will answer"

Isn't that awesome! Jesus prays for us...that is SUPER prayer! :)

NOt Me! Monday

Well, it is Monday morning and I am....tired! I had a GREAT Valentines day with my sweetie. He planned a great dinner on Sat night and we sat all night watching the Olympics...great evening, but my knees hurt today after watching the women's moguls. OUCH

He also took the kids to the market so I could have some time to myself AND flowers accompanied him home. :) SOOO pretty. Very thoughtful husband. God has blessed me. We made him brownies as our Valentines to him...he loved them. :)

It's Not Me Monday again, lets see...what have I NOT done? :)

I certainly did NOT stay on the phone while my son walked backwards tripping over a toy cash register and slamming into the door frame...no not me. Then he proceeded to cry and run, with his eyes closed, into the corner of the table. poor guy

I definitely did NOT commit to a diet today and eat this HUGE grilled sandwich with a coke and chips..dissing all together the apple I sliced up. no not me

I also didn't have some choice words for the moron who walked behind my car as I was backing up in the tiniest of parking lots yesterday...def. not me. :)

Happy Monday everyone!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Last week, I ran out of diapers for my 4 month old. I didn't take her older brothers size 4 diapers and put them on her so that the top of the diaper was resting below her arm pits...no not me!

I also didn't try on a dress last night thinking I had lost my baby weight and couldn't get the zipper to even MOVE...no not me!

The BIG picture

So, it's Saturday and my husband is off playing Halo (an awesome video game) and I am left to my own devices. I have been thinking of my days in China. My reasonings for going and my reasonings for LOVING it. For those who don't know, I lived in China from 2003 to 2008 with a little time at home for summer vacation one year and time to get married/ raise support. When I decided to go to China in 2003 it wasn't because I was unhappy with my awesome job as an Assistant Account Executive (sounds fancy eh?). ahahaha. It wasn't because I was running from people or circumstances. It was because I KNEW that was where God wanted me to go. It was soo clear and evident to me. The most clear thing I have ever known or had the privilege of feeling. I had never traveled outside of the US...hardly anywhere in the US for that matter. I was dating Josh and he had always told me that he wanted to go back to Asia (he grew up in Taiwan), but the thought of leaving my awesome job, car, apartment, friends, family....didn't appeal to me. It wasn't until I went to church to listen to a guest speaker...well, that guest speaker was NOT speaking that day...in fact, it was 2 guys that I would grow to respect and call my friends. These two guys spoke of China and the need for missionaries. The need for people to share the gospel. The need for people like ME, followers of Jesus Christ, to stand up and say...I will GO!!! It was that day that I truly felt the Holy Spirit say "you will go". I told Josh, he was elated...I told friends, they were excited, I told family....got some resistance, but all in all...it was my decision and I KNEW that this was what I had to do. Filled out an application and went. Quit my job and raised X amount of dollars and went. My good friend said "if it's God's will, it's God's bill". I remember I had $3000 left to raise. I prayed and prayed and it was NOT coming in on time. I had a week left to raise that amount. Impossible right? I went for a run one afternoon...seriously it was a 15 minute run...so...not long at all. I got home and saw an envelope on the door with my name on it. Inside......$3000. From a man who didn't even know me, but had heard of my need.

So, I went. I saw some awesome things! I smelled strange smells, I ate strange looking things, I heard many different dialects and saw the strangest lines on signs. This was a NEW world and I was calling it home...for a while. I am nostalgic about China as I write now. I miss it OH SO MUCH! It changed me in soo many ways. I see things so much bigger n

ow. The BIG picture. What God wanted me to see....the big picture. How the world...life isn't about me. How it is VERY much about lives changed for the Lord.

William Wilberforce said "Having seen all this you can choose to look the other way, but you can never say again 'I did not know'".

How true is that? I now know that I was there for a reason. If I had not shared with Candy (my dear dear friend), then she would have never met her now husband at a retreat we took all the christian students on (maybe she would have eventually, but maybe not). Believe me, I am not taking credit or bragging...just stating the course of events that led her and him together. But most importantly, they taught me how to love other people regardless

if there are differences (like language).

Bottom line. China changed me. Allowed me to see that while yes I was a Christian before I left, now I see that I have the opportunity to invite others to be in this family. To be apart of the Kingdom. To encourage others that life doesn't have to be about stuff, but about eternal hope. Keeping the perspective of....(like Kelly Clarkson would say) "my life...would suck...without You". Now she is talking about a boy, but still....it is applicable.

Sorry to drone on, but these are my thoughts. I am grateful for wh

at the Lord has done and I only hope that through this walk I have with Him, He shows me grace. Grace that can only be given by Him that allows me to say "hey, I'm not perfect, but I have an audience of 1......and He loves me and I want to give him EVERYTHING". We can half a$$ this life or we can live fully for the King......our choice.

This picture is of the city I lived in. It is COVERED with concrete, high rises and no grass in sight. A TOTAL change from where I am now. People might say...oh...how ugly, or why would you want to live in a place like that. To those people I say, I love that city. Christ is IN that city.

Happy Sabbath!

Edyn today

Ok, so I know this picture stinks....blurry...overexposed...the works. BUT, This is my Edyn. She is always looking like this. Always smiling, and flailing her arms about. She is my gift from God.

Happy Friday!

So, in looking at my blog...I realized that it is MOSTLY pictures. Where this is OK, I do want to make sure that I have thoughts about life...fashion...and of course..food & Faith on here. :) Currently...living in CO, loving the scenery, NOT the snow. Too much snow currently. Not many places to go in town with 3 kids where they won't pick up germs...so, we stay inside and I try and entertain with dance parties and crafts. The kids are currently into making bracelets with strips of paper. Kayla and Guinness are getting along pretty well these days. They give me many a headache and stress, but the good outweighs the bad for sure. Kayla can be really sweet and mothering sometimes and Guinness can be a real gentleman. Edyn of course is just a baby...but she is soo sweet. I think she smiles soo much/hard that it hurts her face. :) She is by far my easiest. I think God gave me an easy 3rd, because I can't handle that much more right now.

Fashion: well, I made it my NY resolution, to change my whole wardrobe to something AGE appropriate. I used to be SOO much into American Eagle. Nothing against them..I still do LOVE their jeans. However, I walked in there a couple of weeks ago with my daughter in tow (in a stroller) and you would not BELIEVE how many stares I got. I mean, I know I am not 16 anymore, but...do I look 50 walking in there? I think it was the stroller that made all the girls nervous. :) hahahahahha. I def felf out of place. THEN.....I walked into my newest FAVORITE store....(drum rolls) ANTHROPOLOGIE!!!! This store is sooo choice. I just love the smells, colors, sales women, the couch in the dressing room, the way I feel in that store. It is indescribable. I have gotten into reading some blogs of women who go into Anthro, try on clothes, take pictures of themselves in the clothes and then write reviews. Can I tell you something?.....this is AWESOME!!! It is the most helpful thing for a girl who lives in the middle of nowhere. I mean, to see someone who has similar body shape and taste in clothes..trying on something that you have had your eye on..letting me know that it is TTS (true to size) or size down because they run big.....it is sooo helpful. Thank you to the ladies who do this for us folk who like 3 hours away from the nearest. Fortunatly, I have a friend here who has equally the same amount of love for Anthro, who I can have great fashion conversations with. She also tells me when she has something in her wishlist that is in my size....("do you want me to order it") she says.....sooo nice!!!

Finally food: I just had a baby ok? I am still in the phase of using the excuse of "well, I have to keep my calories up for nursing purposes, so..I will eat". This is dangerous. Where I am not putting weight ON, I am not taking it off either. WIth it 20 degrees outside, so running is out, I don't have any activities I can do outside with 3 kids. By the time Josh gets home...it's dark and FREEZING!!! Anyway, food is my friend and I don't believe in substituting taste for saving calories. Having said that...I do enjoy salad and salmon and shrimp. I usually do Kellogs for breakfast, salmon or shrimp for lunch (with an apple, granola bar and tall glass of water) and for dinner...I go all out. Usually pasta dishes with a heavy cream sauce or....pizza, tacos...that stuff. Josh doesn't benefit from this except to pack on calories, but still......I like my meals. :) I am not going to apologize for it either :) hahahaha.

Faith: where faith and food don't go together, I will say that my faith and walk with the Lord increases every day. I am not bragging about this, but I am excited about it. God is showing me all the time areas of my life that need a fixin. He is currently showing me the power of prayer. Praying for my kids by name...praying for Josh and our marriage, job situation, and parenting together....these are my life. All very important to me! So, why am I not praying about this MORE..??? not sure, but God is showing me how to. He is also showing me the importance of raising my kids, not dictating to them and making them feel small and fearful. I think I do this.....or did this. I am changing remember?

Anyway, this blog is going to change. I will add photos of course, but I want this to be an outlet of expression and comments...please leave your comments and add to the discussion of....parenting biblically, fashion and how to dress age appropriate, and of course MARRIAGE!!!! and food....:)

Have a good weekend readers!

One more

here is Guinness right after nap....anticipating a snack!!!

Finally

Dang, I have not posted anything lately!! wowzers, as my kids would say. :) This is a Kayla day! she didn't want to take these pictures, so I had to bribe with play dough. She did it for the dough.

I know one of the pics if fuzzy, but I LOVED the shot. She is laughing and throwing her head back....just like her mother. :) She also decided to share with Edyn her dollhouse book. Sooo nice. I turned around to kayla saying..."here you go Edyn, look mommy, Edyn likes to play too". hahaha, she is a funny kiddo