I think I have parenting guilt. :) Each day that passes I have guilt by the days end about how I treated the kids. I could have handled this or that better. I should NOT have raised my voice at them for running....just expressing and getting some energy out right? I don't know. Not sure what the answer is, but I read all the time (because I am a blog stalker) these blogs about babies that have been born healthy and don't make it past 4 months. Or, babies that are still born, or have abnormalities when they see the light. These stories, where they are tremendously sad....they always remind me of my living, breathing...seemingly healthy children under my roof. I look at Kayla sometimes and think..."dang I am soo annoyed with her"...or I discipline Guinness in a way that repent and regret things that I have said to him. Is there a fine balance? Is there a RIGHT way to parent? I know some that parent 9 kids and LOVE it soo much, and I know others who have a few and can't stand them. They are the ONLY kids we have. Holding grudges and ignoring our flesh and blood is the most ridiculous, lonely way to live. I think..."how could I EVER not be in Kayla, Guinness or Edyn's life"......these thoughts go through my head ALL day long. The actions of today.....are they going to remember these things? Are they old enough to know what Grace is? Are we as parents able to forgive our children for the silly, stupid, most annoying things that they do? I only hope that God gives me the grace to extend to them. Yes there are discipline issues to address now...and we are :) I just think.....God forgave/forgives me for doing the dumbest things......why can't I do that for a 3 year old? or a 23 year old? I don't think this is the only time in life these kids are going to give me trouble. :).............I can only imagine what kind of trouble Guinness is going to get into. Kayla already got herself landed in the hospital from overdosing on Exedrin......what is Guinness going to do? oh my! My mind races through possible scenarios.....Yikes!
Having said that, I know that Edyn (pictured below) is going to get a spanking for something someday (yes..we are spankers)....and I know that I will have to send her to time out...or ground her for something stupid that she has done. But alas...I need to lighten up....these are my kids.....God made them in ME! They look like me and smell like me....well, Josh at some times :) hahahha.....They are and were created in the image of my Creator. Such a cutie eh?
just some thoughts.
.jpg)
2 thoughts:
kel...i am a blog stocker too! :) i read your blog pretty regularly! hehe. but i totally relate with you about parenting. it's so hard!! it's so ironic though - b/c as i struggle to teach Jaden truths about God and how to have a relationship with Him - i think i learn more that He does. i mean - when he has a bad attitude and we talk to God and ask Him for help - jaden can immediately throw away the yuck and trade it in for good - me on the other hand - i struggle as i hold on to my bad attitude - and think i have a right to have one b/c of how "hard" my morning was with the kids or whatever.
anyhow - jia you sister!
love ya
abby
I can toally relate to this post! I have for ages 8 to 2 and sometimes I really hate the way I loose it with the little people I love best. I'm finding that guilt is just about the worst way to respond. Nobody is perfect and life with little ones is REALLY hard, even the super-moms with lots of kids will admit that this season is HARD.
I'm learning to be gentle with myself, to apologize often and laugh with my kids.
Post a Comment